


I and My Annabel Lee

by anonymous_sibyl



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Dark, Female Protagonist, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-05-16
Updated: 2008-05-16
Packaged: 2017-10-03 23:59:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anonymous_sibyl/pseuds/anonymous_sibyl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I was a child and she was a child, in this kingdom by the sea; but we loved with a love that was more than love - I and my Annabel Lee</p>
            </blockquote>





	I and My Annabel Lee

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for "Time is On My Side." Bela was abused by her parents as a child. There are no scenes of sexual or physical abuse in this fic, only vague references to past events that may be triggery. There is, however, a certain element of emotional abuse contained herein that may be disturbing to some.
> 
> Title and summary are from Annabel Lee by Edgar Allen Poe.
> 
> This work is licensed under a [Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License](http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/3.0/us/). None of the media or characters written about in my fanfiction belong to me and I make no profit from these works. 

**I. Speak roughly to your little boy, and beat him when he sneezes; he only does it to annoy, because he knows it teases.  
Speak Roughly To Your Little Boy, Lewis Carroll**

There were whispers. There had always been whispers--_the girl was crying again, there's something wrong with that family_\--but these whispers were different. They echoed through the building carrying worry for her with them and it made her feel heavy. Dirty. Dirtier than she had when the whispers were true.

_"Poor child, to lose both her parents like that."  
"It's sad. So very sad."  
"God bless them."_

It was at that point she'd noticed most conversations devolved into pouring tea and passing biscuits, murmurs of poor little girl replaced by the latest news regarding the vicar's wife's drinking--_so many bottles in their dustbin! They say she naps mid-day, we all know what that means._ She was gossip to them, too, just as much now as before, even if today's words were kind. That was who these people were, who all people were. They would rather spread rumor than take action.

Lilith was different. Lilith didn't just talk about her--_strange child, brought it on herself, parents like that it's no wonder she's odd_\--she did something to help. Lilith cared when no one else ever had.

"I did, you know. I cared. I helped you."

"I know." She shifted so she couldn't see Lilith's eyes reflected in the mirror. Sometimes they scared her, they way looked at her. It reminded her of… No. She dismissed the thought. "Do you have any biscuits?"

"Would you like some?"

"Yes, please. Chocolate, please."

When she turned around the biscuits were on the table. She knew they would be. Lilith had given her everything she'd ever wanted and asked nothing in return.

"That isn't true. I asked for your soul."

"Souls aren't real," she said, not wondering how her new best friend seemed to be able to see into her mind.

Lilith smirked and adjusted her school sweater. "You don't know everything," she said, biting into a biscuit and reaching for the teapot that hadn't been there moments before. "But that doesn't matter. I saved you. I cared. That's what matters, isn't it? That you're safe and someone loves you?"

"Yes." It was good to be loved. Lilith had done everything for her and she would do anything for Lilith. She'd even die for her. She owed her everything. "Bela is a nice name, don't you think?" she asked without waiting for an answer. "I think I'm going to be Bela."

 

**II. And _She_ knows, because _She_ warns him, and Her instincts never fail, that the Female of Her Species is more deadly than the Male.   
(The Female of the Species, Rudyard Kipling)**

The man was a necessity. She provided to him what everyone wanted--_come here, darling, don't be afraid, you know I love you_\--and he did things for her. He was a tool and she thought of him as such. He wasn't the first. He'd be angry if he knew that. Men were oddly territorial about bodies that didn't belong to them. She found that curious, but ultimately not to matter, for she knew who really owned her, body and soul.

Soul was something she had learned with experience. She had always known her body was not hers but until recently had discounted the concept of an eternal soul. Surely if there were one, and the holy father in the sky to save and preserve it, her life would have been far different. She was tainted, she thought coldly. It was good to have a firm grasp of one's own worth.

_Sullied. She'll be grateful for what she gets if she knows what's good for her._

She'd left this particular man sleeping two hundred miles away, his pockets lighter than they had been that morning. She had a buyer in Prague waiting on her call and a few of the more special items tucked away for her own use.

"Hello, Bela."

"It's my birthday," she replied without turning around. "Have you brought cake?"

"You didn't celebrate with the hunter?" Lilith's voice was icy on that last word.

"Hunters aren't big on celebrations," she said, casually. "Besides, it was before midnight when I left. Not properly my birthday."

"Then we should celebrate." Lilith clapped her hands. "I like parties. We shall have hats and would you like a pony ride, Bela? I do so like ponies." She shook her head, appraising Bela. "No, I suppose you wouldn't. But we will have cake."

She gripped the edge of the motel's cheap desk to steady herself. Another thing she'd learned was to never, ever show fear. To let someone know they frightened you was to give them power over you, and Lilith possessed enough power as it was. "And have you brought me a present, Lilith?"

"Haven't I given you enough presents? Do you really feel you deserve more?" She spun around the room, twirling on her toes and waving her hands. She paused, arms outstretched and toes pointed. "Have you been a good girl, Bela?"

_Have you been a good girl? Good girls don't cry. You're being very naughty and naughty girls must be punished._

"I rather suspect I haven't been."

Lilith's laughter was a child's, peals of joy and high-pitched squeals echoing through the small room. It felt heavier than the whispers of well-meaning neighbors ever had. "Oh, I do like you! You're fun! How old are you today?"

"Twenty-three," she breathed. And forty-seven minutes. Giving her less than three hundred and sixty five days to live.

"There's some people I'd like you to meet," Lilith said. "Pretty boys. You like pretty boys, don't you, Bela?"

Bela held herself still as Lilith drew ever closer, both dreading and longing for her touch. When it came, one tiny finger on the skin of her forearm, she shivered in exquisite fear.

"You are fun," Lilith murmured, digging her fingernail into Bela's arm, smiling as she gasped in pain. "I'm going to miss you when you're in hell." She momentarily frowned, then brightened. "I'll visit you, I think. We can play like we used to when you were a child. Perhaps your parents will join us."

She clasped her hand over her mouth and ran from the room, retching, Lilith's laughter following her. Upon her return the child demon was gone, a cake and a letter left behind in her place.

Pretty boys, Bela mused. Pretty hunters who might be used to save her. Yes, she'd meet them, she'd do what Lilith wanted, and if it paralleled her own wants then all the better. She cut a large slice of cake and took a bite.

Chocolate, her favorite. Lilith always remembered. It was nice to be loved.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this prior to 3x16, before Lilith's R&amp;R in the body of a small child. The Lilith in my fic is based on the Lilith we've seen in previous episodes and, most specifically, the 14 year old Lilith we saw in the flashbacks with Bela. I refer to her as a child because, well, fourteen. Child.
> 
> This fic was difficult to write. I wanted to work with the background that the show gave her, that of an abused child who made a deal with a demon that resulted in her parents' deaths. When this was revealed fully in 3x15, I couldn't bring myself to see Bela as a cold-blooded murderer. Something happens to a person when she's abused. Something bad, more than just the abuse. It changes you, sometimes forever. And sometimes only for the ten years you have left.
> 
> In my fic, it changed Bela. I never decided for myself if Bela knew when she was making the deal that her parents would die. What I did decide is that she didn't want to know. She needed saving and Lilith provided that. Bela bought into it, entirely, because she wanted to. And because she knew no other kind of love, no trust, no safety. She had no real way of knowing just how wrong Lilith was.
> 
> I used a few lines in the fic trying to specifically show the disconnect between her and reality: the line about her new name in part I, the one about cake in part II. This is a Bela who occasionally is not really here, and is not acknowledging her life and her actions. This is why she's cold and why she uses people. She knows nothing else. She was manipulated so now she manipulates. Even the one person she loves and believes loves her--Lilith--has and does hurt her. Much like her parents.
> 
> I'm not saying Bela is a good person. Even she doesn't think she's a good person, but it was important to me to remember that her values are skewed. I think there are reasons why she was the way she was and why she didn't trust anyone to help her. After all, the last person she trusted for help was Lilith and look how that worked out.
> 
> And I am not saying this is what happens to every abused person. Lilith's demonic presence does change any relationship to reality this fic might have. But I wanted a certain emotional trueness here and it is true that abuse can change they way a person trusts and acts. Fictional Bela went to an extreme.
> 
> I don't think this was a happy story. It wasn't meant to be. Bela's story wasn't happy either.


End file.
